Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
