Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
