Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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