I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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