i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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