Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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