You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize