I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
