Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
