i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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