Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had to cum in my sink.
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