I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize