We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
