Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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