8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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