What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
