Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
