my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
