who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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