So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
