had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
