You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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