TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
