I haven't been this sober since birth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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