No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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