I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
