Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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