Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize