His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
