I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
