Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
