I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
