so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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