my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Bring me that man meat
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
