i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You made out with two different species that night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
