I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize