i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
