just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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