You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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