My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
