Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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