Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
