every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
