I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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