Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
