So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
