who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
