ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
