the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
