Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize