Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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