Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Success! We fucked roommates!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
