Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize