no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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