I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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