Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize