kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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