He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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