Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
