Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
