I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
