Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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