he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
