I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
