You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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