he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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