sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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