ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
