once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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