Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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