My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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