did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
