He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
