they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize