You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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